i have been learning classical music for over a year now.mom is really keen and interested in music n arts.she constantly pushes me to participate in every gala event.i still remember that how mum n dad forced me  to sing "bhajans" and "shiv shrotra" during our diwali puja.all of a sudden,one day ,she introduced me to dad's friend who taught music at some school in delhi.she escorts me to music class and tolerate my humming as well.i never had confidence to sing on the larger platform.but this time i auditioned for solo singing for my college fest.i prepared ""rag darbari"(classical khayal) under the guidance of mom n music teacher. mom was happy and so do i.she wished me luck early in the morning and her eyes were carmalized with affections and expectations.next day,when i saw others buzzing over western claasical,decided to move back.sooner realised mum back home must be waiting for an answer,i cannot let her down.i tried my best to impress judges with classical hymns.a dear friend messeged me abt my selection next morning.music faculty told me to prepare "saraswati vandana" for the inaugurals.i couldnt find song anywhere and was deluded of loosing this one gloden opportunity.suddenly hope dimmed by music sir and we both prepared song whole heartedly.infinite emotions were sailing in the ocean of my heart.the stage was set for the big day.while retreating back to college,i had a tiff with my younger brother.i couldnt control my temper and he retailated by hitting me on my eyes.this aftermath was enough to force me into negativity once again.i cried like baby who is stuck in the cocoon of negaitivities!!!after a day or two of self realisation and support from other friends,came to realise that it came as a benefit in a form that i will come to realise  that anger is prickle in attaining absolute happiness.i just cant chickened out from every situation.it is extremely hard to sustain faith n look for positivity in ur tthick times.but i do have debt of grattitude to some supreme law for making me feel confident and self satisified after long time!

THE CHANGE:: A REVOLUTION

I wanna keep it short n simple this time..I m quite fed up of my
"pseudointellect",fakeness and senstivity.

I want to be more self controlled and genuine atleast for 4 yrs now.

THE big list that needs to be followed::
1.no lies,only truth(sorry friends!!!)
2.no fakeness
3.studies r top most prirority
4.no time for friendship and love
5.more reading and less talking
6.no more sharing perception(back bitting)
7.will loose some weight(chahe kuch bhi ho jaaye)
8.no more talking on phones
9.more savings n less expenditure
10.less television(big bosss..nahin!!!)

"YASHODHARA":: THE UNTOLD STORY

The Buddha’s life is about renunciation; he left his riches, his wife, child and kingdom to pursue enlightenment. He reached Nirvana, but he left his wife, child, mother and father very sad and upset.Yashodhara, the wife of the Buddha, who he abandoned two days after she gave birth to their son Rahula. Yashodhara underwent, first as a young mother, and then as a bitter angry and wise woman.Yashodhara was resentful of the choice Buddha had made in abandoning her and her son and she expresses her feelings about the Buddha’s hypocrisy here. "He discarded us like a sack of rocks. For what? ...Adoration for a coward - a man who talks about peace, but leaves his family in torment?" Here is Yashodhara reminiscing with her best friend Kisa. "Remember, Kisa, desire is a trap…and desirelessness is liberation… just think how many years I believed in that rubbish, only to realize I had done it all out of desire anyway."But Buddha’s story after leaving Yashodhara, was not simply to search for truth . He became involved with a courtesan, Ambapali, who was Buddha’s partner for a while after Yashodhara had been abandoned.  Yashodhara strangely seems to hold Ambapali in high regard, comparing her favourably to the Buddha: "You know Ambapali is a Buddha..if she had been given her full rights and seen in the light of her understanding and devotion to seeking the truth, it is she and not Siddhartha that you and the others would all be talking about."
And then Yashodhara descends into old age and sickness, and makes an attempt to forgive the Buddha for the pain and suffering he had caused her and her family. In her state just before death she is telling Buddha to still do the right thing! "Come back I yell at Siddhartha, who had been floating above me..Your son is here I shout, caring nothing about the state of my soul or the adoration of the Buddhas. He needs your heart." Come back you coward". one need to recognizethat it is hard for the women that get left behind and ignored when men decide to pursue the spiritual path.What a great lady "yashodhara" was?? despite of so many mundane events,she
never lost hope n faith!!! thousands salutes.. 

HOLIDAYS :: NO MORE JOLLY DAYS!!!!

YEHHHH...HOLIIIIIDAAAAAYYYYYZZZZ
I need to carry this expression as a student..Is that so??? nahhh!!!
Holidays r not blissful anymore.I start my day  probably around 9.
We sit and chat  little family issues(mom,dad n me) over a cup of
coffee.I mite help mom in kitchen if feel like,otherwise ,she is alwz
there to scold n nag me somehow.I spend lot of time watching movies andall the waste "stuff" on television(saas-bahu saga..dont run ur dirty mind!!).Sometimes i do come online to chat my friends but..."saare kamine r out of delhi forvacations".The most  interesting and healthy part is the "50 minutes"walk.I just love it!!!The park near by my place look like a tiny fair!!AUNTIES(budhhi's:: maaf karna) takes keen interest in gossiping(haan haan wahi bahun ki buraiyaan) and "public display of spirituality".Small
kids prefer playing like a "flock of sheep".They scatter like sheaves
of corn,yet so,composed and zestful..Few health freaks pratice "yoga"(thanxx to ramdev baba!!!).boyzz come prowling after gals
and become quite "beheld" by their gestures(oomp factor!!!).I only
enjoy this part of my 'holidayyyyzzz"..I come back and again start searching friends online..hmmm!!!! My day finishes with "dramatic'
big boss..btwn I failed to study java,architecture n dbms .u know y??? becozzzzz ''i dont feel like"!!!(shayd back ki shaqt zarurat hai)

ENLISTING FEW MUST WATCH MOVIES:
mirror has two faces
scream(1,2,3)
scary movie
the sixth sense
beautiful mind(russel crowe rocks!!!)
the silence of lambs
the league of extraodinary gentlemen
the legend of "bhagat singh"

to be conntinued!!!

AT THE END ,i would like to thank  all my friends for
constantly attending my calls and tolerating everything and anything.u  ppl made my HOLI--day!!!!


thanxxxxxxxxxx.....thanxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx...thanxxxxxxxxxxxxx..
love u!!!!!

सांस है विश्वास है ,
आस है किरण भोर की आएगी ,
नये सवेरे को तलाशती,
आँखें नम न करो ,
गहरे अँधेरे के बीच कहीं दूर,
सूर्य प्रकट होने को है!!
थककर मत बैठो ,
कुछ और कदम चलो,
मुठियाँ कास लो ,
सीर आसमान की ओर उठायो,
आँख से आंसूं घिरने न दो,
उस पार से आती आवाज़ ,
सुनो जोह तुम्हे लक्ष्य की ओर,
बढ़ने के लिए पुकार रही है,
ओह्ह राही !मंजिल दूर नहीं,
दूर नहीं ,दूर नहीं है !!!


(हरिवंश राइ बच्चन )

FOOL'S GOLD

lets see how our teenager took ayodhaya's verdict:::

q:do u know where ayodhya is??
t:should i know?i have heard people talking about it,so many i should check it out.is it as good as fbar lounge?
q:no ,it isnt a lounge.its a place up north.
t:i have been up north all the way to lava couple of times,you know
    the happening pub in rajouri!!!
q:ayodhya is in uttar pradesh
t:ohh!!!isn't that place where cheif minister has all those handbags
      does she have louis vuitton?
q:i dont know.do u know what happened on dec 6,1992.
t:nopes!!!
q:ohh!! but how come u dont know about ayodhaya.dont u watch
   tv?
t:i do watch mtv regularly.it's no big deal not knowing this place.
  i can alwz google it on my iphone.
q:but u must have heard abt court's verdict on thursday??
t:somebody tweeted about it.we had a big scare,everyone thought
 the weekend would be dry.they will divide the place into three,
 handing one piece to hindu's.other to muslim...last one to christian..buddhists  etc....
q:what place??
t:the disputed place,"bridge",i guess,saw it on facebook.
q:its not bridge
t:well,i m okk with it being monument or something,like "taj"
q:the "taj mahal"
t:the "taj hotel".it should be equally shared by all communities
   this is new india,you know,does doing my hair like this suits me.
q:one last question,how will this verdict effect ur life??
t:should it??you r right,we must have a funky ayodhya party
   it will be awesome!!!

LETTER TO GOD

dear god,

i m rashmi jha ,prefinal year student of engineering at ansal institute of technology(naam toh suna hi hoga),gurgaon under ip university.i have big list of regrets (NDPL ki complain list se bhi badi).its has
been said "man on trail each morning has less suffering each evening".since u r not antiwomen ,so
i guess it goes well with ladies as well(pretty sad ).it seems that u r not man/woman of ur words..lets
roll over the list of complains:god,i have failed on most of the things in life..wantedto be doctor once
 (beti doctor banegi types) ,but turned out to be "pseudoengineer" now.physics,chemistry n biology notes which were swallowed by me are now eaten up by some bloody insects in my store room..god,i fell in love
n left  by him in the same year.the guy had certain issues which,he imposed forcefully on me..anywayz i have certain weight issues as well..i m jealous of not being slim enough to wear one pieces just like my any other
friend.moving on, i m quite jealous of my friends who r in "DCE'S" n "IIT'S"..i couldnot make it becoz
of reservations(good one!!! ab na padhne ka bahana mil gaya)..u have created the whole web of
confusion around me..i m angry abt u provoking dad everyday to nag me without any reasons.mom curse for not helping her in kitchen.both of them push me for "ias" preparation.i feel bad for not scoring well.i m jealous
of my relative placed at higher position.i m quite mad at u for making  me less wiser n knowlegable  than most of my contemporary bloggers.u made my life monotonous n naive.u have been vested with absolute
power,but chronically u alwz took what i greatly coveted!!!AAPKI LEELA APRAM PAAR HAI(inscrutable).i m goading u to make life simple..plzzz kuch aache bande rakho for normal functioning of
ur kingdom..it seems aapki sarkar bhi sheila dikshit ki tarah corrupt ho gayi hai..u better start atoning for all
ur troubles!!! waiting for ur reply..


urs lovingly
PSEUDOINTELLECTUAL;